Problem sentence #1: but the fear of getting hit again by the ball and the fear of not being good enough to win frightened me so much that I kind of wished that my coach would just bench me and sub someone else in. (This sentence is cluttered.)
Revised sentence: But the fear of injury as well as my own incompetence frightened me enough to wish that my coach would just bench me. (This sentence is cleaner, unnecessary statements were removed.
Problem sentence #2: “Sure.” I replied. (There should be a comma at the end of the quotation instead of a period.)
Revised sentence: “Sure,” I replied. (comma in place of the period.)
Problem sentence #3: These hard working Americans are suffering unnecessarily. (This sentence does not support the next sentence.)
Revised sentence: Single parents are not able to support there children on the income that they receive with minimum wage. (This sentence supports the sentence after it.)
Revised sentence: But the fear of injury as well as my own incompetence frightened me enough to wish that my coach would just bench me. (This sentence is cleaner, unnecessary statements were removed.
Problem sentence #2: “Sure.” I replied. (There should be a comma at the end of the quotation instead of a period.)
Revised sentence: “Sure,” I replied. (comma in place of the period.)
Problem sentence #3: These hard working Americans are suffering unnecessarily. (This sentence does not support the next sentence.)
Revised sentence: Single parents are not able to support there children on the income that they receive with minimum wage. (This sentence supports the sentence after it.)